yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
