He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
