i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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