Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
