Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
