The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
