Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
