it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
