i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
