You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
