i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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