Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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