So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
