Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
