if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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