I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
