its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
