It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
