I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize