i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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