I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
