Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
