He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
