I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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