grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
