Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
