I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
