Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize