i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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