I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
