i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
