i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
