I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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