the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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