covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
