i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
