I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
