I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
