youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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