So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
