i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
