My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
