Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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