she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
