You just made me feel so damn special
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
