You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize