I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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