i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
