Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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