had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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