seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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