scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
