I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
