she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is the high leading the old right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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