I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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