you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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