I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
