shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
