This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
