Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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