I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize