Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
