I cockslap morals
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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