Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
