I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
