we have pet lesbian snakes
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
