I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
