Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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