Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
