What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
